By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt
Rabbitt: A black and white movie with a dog in a starring role? Somebody is
trying to play off some Oscar success. I have not seen much of Tim
Burton's stuff. That will not be changing with this one, even though I'm
sure it will be entertaining enough. I really don't even know why you
would want to bring the dog back to life. I mean, they just dogs. Right, Clinton Portis?
Hammock: It's the age-old story. Boy loves dog. Dog dies. Boy learns about life
and maybe a red fern grows or something. Well, it's close. Tim Burton
forgoes the whole life lesson thing and opts for pet reanimation
instead. Frankenweenie is in the style of other Burton films like The
Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride, but it's actually a
remake of his own live-action movie of the same name. I like Tim Burton
movies fine, some more than others, but I don't know if I'll being
seeing this one. 1) I'm a cat person. And 2) One of my cats just
died and I just don't know if I'll be emotionally ready for
Frankenweenie... when it comes out seven months from now.
That's My Boy
Hammock:"You puked on my wedding dress and then you (had sex) with it?!" How
could a movie with this line possibly be bad? Probably very easily.
It's a shame too. Look at the list of cast and crew and you'll see a
bevy of talented actors and writers. Frustratingly, most of them have
resumes full of movies and shows than run the gamut from genius to
garbage. Take Adam Sandler: he can be funny and he actually has some
legitimate acting chops, but he's in loads of terrible movies because he
settles. The writers of That's My Boy are the same way. They're
responsible for Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, Children's
Hospital, Happy Endings, Party Down. Yet they come out with a
movie whose trailer (and therefore most likely the entire movie) is
filled with fart and penis jokes. Come on guys, you're obviously gifted.
You can do better than this. Heck, I can do better than this. You owe
me and Blair Waldorf more than this. On a positive note, kudos to the
director for somehow fitting Rex Ryan's entire body into frame. Zing!
Rabbitt: This looks like a post Weekend Update sketch on SNL, except for 2 hours. I'll second everything David said and hop on a
different soap box. Who pays to watch Adam Sandler movies these days?
I'm aware that the answer is "tons of people"... I'd just like to know
who to be mad at. Let's consider these movies, their Rotten Tomatoes score, and
their US box office gross. Jack & Jill: 3%, $74.2mil. Zookeeper:
14%, $80.4mil. Just Go With It: 19%, $103mil. Grown Ups: 10%, $162mil.
(WHAT!) Hugo: 93%, $71.3mil. Now, everyone make sure you go vote for
your preferred Presidential candi... actually, on second thought, just
Men in Black 3
Hammock: This must be a dream come true for Will Smith because Men in Black
pretty closely resembles his religion of Scientology. There are monsters, spaceships, people being brainwashed... it's like Dianetics
coming to life before his eyes! Sorry. It's probably not nice to make
fun of Will Smith... though he probably deserves it for as many times as
he poked fun at Uncle Phil and Carlton. So, about the movie... I'm not
hopeful. The first MiB was good, but the second one was sub-par. I'm
guessing this one isn't gonna be any better than the latter.
Rabbitt: It's the good guys dressed in black, remember that? Yea, barely. It's
been 10 long years since these galaxy defenders were last on screen.
Will Smith has saved the planet many, many times. And while I appreciate
his efforts in doing so, I'll likely pass on this particular rendition
of Will Smith saving the world $150 million at a time.
Hammock: Eww. This is wrong. Woody Allen and Roman Polanski think this is wrong. I
get that someone would do anything to get their lover back and I can
sorta kinda maybe see considering being the one to birth him if that was
the only option, but Eva Green is obviously doing this with the intent to
jump her lover/son's bones ASAP. Perhaps Vesper could consult the young
man from Frankenweenie for other options?
Rabbitt: I had planned on comparing Eva Green to Joaquin Phoenix, in that I hate
him because he stabbed Maximus in the back before they fought in
Gladiator and that influences my view of other characters he plays.
Similarly, Eva Green played Vesper, the two-timing slut wagon, in Casino
Royale. However, after watching this trailer, I don't even remember
what she did in Casino Royale. What a creepster.
David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt cry at Adam Sandler movie...'s box office numbers. Follow them on Twitter @david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.