HBO Game of Thrones: A Recap Before Season Two

By Thomas Hokum

Editor’s Note: Thomas Hokum likes Game of Thrones. So much so that he plans watching parties. This wouldn’t be interesting except that Hokum isn’t the type to plan, parties or otherwise. He’s more of a "read by the pool all day" guy. If a party breaks out at said pool, he’s down. If not, he will continue reading and developing skin cancer. So, being an observant editor, I asked Hokum to leave the chlorine behind and do weekly recaps of the show he loves and he agreed. You’re welcome. Be sure to check in every Monday for Hokum’s reviews for Season 2 of Game of Thrones. They might just turn into a party.

Oddly enough it took a television show to get me off the couch and back to the dreaded word document. But it’s Spring and that means it’s time for the smash hit Game of Thrones to return. For the uninitiated, Game of thrones is the fantasy-lite drama (running 10 episodes on a $60 million budget) produced by HBO and based on George R. R. Martin’s hit series, A Song of Fire and Ice. Martin released his fifth installment, A Dance with Dragons, last July and in this less-than-humble writer’s opinion, it is far and away the best of the series. And with Martin taking a handful of years to write each book, I wouldn’t hold my breath for the final two books in the series to arrive any time soon.

The good news is that the production level and acting quality in HBO’s series makes the show a perfectly fine stand in for the books, often borrowing whole chunks of dialogue from its literary cousin, for those who don’t have time to read the books that weigh in at a minimum of a thousand pages each. The better news? Clash of Kings, or Season Two to the HBO faithful, is my second favorite in the series and this sentiment is echoed by many critics in the literary realm.

In a sense, Clash of Kings can be seen as the fallout from the epic conclusion of Game of Thrones. Without a doubt you should see Season 1 or read Game of Thrones before starting one Season 2. With the HBO Go App it’s easier than ever to catch up. Clash of Kings follows the Stark children as they scatter, gives you more Tyrion than you can shake a leg of mutton at, and delivers one epic battle royale to wrap everything up. Thankfully, producers of the show have made it clear the Battle of the Blackwater will fulfill even the staunchest of fanboys. And you can expect all the violence, sex, cavorting dwarfish* and enough beheadings to make a weirwood groan.

For those who have seen Season 1 but are rusty on everything but the one pivotal moment burnt into every viewer/reader’s mind, I offer the following recap:

* Small person, not actual dwarf like Gimli. It’s fantasy-lite remember.

Today's 1000

Today's picture comes courtesy of @PagingDrFox

If you're married to an ugly spouse, would beer goggles even work? Seems like long term memory would put up a good fight to keep your common sense vision close to 20/20. Maybe Blackout Spectacles would be a better choice. Although blackout specs go hand in hand with shame colored alcohol poisoning hoodies. And as we've learned recently, hoodies are a dangerous look for anyone.

Besides, I always assumed beer goggles were for the young and single anyway.

NBC Smash Review: The Coup or Hook, Line, & Reviewer

Jack Davenport shines as Derek facing
off with Tom in "The Coup" this week.
Image from NBC Smash Facebook

By Elle T.

I know I’ve said this before but it bears repeating... Ellis is STRAIGHT?!!

Although I’ve been less preoccupied with his orientation lately, this week, I found myself taken out of the story when we see Ellis cozying up in bed with his girlfriend. However, in this moment we finally discover why Ellis has been so freaking annoying. He wants to be a PRODUCER! Got it (kinda). Doesn’t make him any more likable (props Jamie Cepero) but his conniving behavior is finally justified... for the most part. I understand him infiltrating Eileen's office, but I don't quite understand how meddling with Tom and Ivy will help. I smell something vaguely reminiscent of a device for plot development.

Speaking of which, this week’s episode of NBC’s Smash is much less jam packed with plot. The story still moved along at a brisk pace, but we were able to get a little more insight into the characters’ psyches. Julia and Michael make the wise, but still heartbreaking decision to end their affair. Referring to his wife and (hopefully!) his children, he tells Julia, “They’re everything to me.” Julia then realizes that she should trade her passionate affair for stability and trust with her husband and son. Ah, bittersweet life lessons.

We also get a peek at another side of Eileen when her daughter comes to visit. Something good did actually come out of her dissolved marriage. Katie (played by Meryl Streep’s daughter Grace Gummer) is kind and honest, and encourages Eileen to be the same when she discovers a sly move that her mother made behind the backs of Tom and Julia.

Rules For Riding In My Car

by David Hammock

Car, girls, and flags pictured may or may not actually be mine

1. No smoking.


2. If you're a hot girl, disregard Rule #1. Do whatever you want.


3. If Hey Ya is on, don't change the station.


4. Don't open the glove compartment. Everything will fall out.


5. Don't put your feet on the dashboard.


6. If you're a hot girl, disregard Rule #5. Do whatever you want.


7. Always wear a seat belt.


8. Never wear socks with sandals.


9. No country music.


10. You can eat, but make sure the food gets in your mouth. Also, if you're eating fries, every fifth one goes to me.


11. If they're Checkers fries, every third one goes to me.


12. If you're a hot girl, Rule #11 still applies. You can't possibly think you can just do whatever you want.


13. If we stop at a gas station, you're not obligated to buy me anything from inside, but I sure do like watermelon Slush Puppies.


14. Don't scream if I'm about to hit an animal unless it's a cat or a dog or something that could mess up my car. I don't want to swerve and kill myself over a chipmunk.


15. Don't scream if I'm about to hit a Justin Bieber. I don't want to swerve and kill myself over a Justin Bieber.


16. Black people have to ride in the back.


17. Totally kidding.


18. Don't throw trash out the window. The wind could catch it and it could fly back in and hit a black person sitting in the back.


19. Totally kidding again. Not about the trash. Don't litter.


20. No Nickelback.


21. Don't break up with your boyfriend while I'm driving you to his house. (Actually happened once.)


22. If you're a hot girl, disregard Rule #21.


23. On road trips, check to make sure I'm paying attention. I'll drive 100 miles in the wrong direction without noticing.


24. Seriously, I was 100% kidding about Rule #16.


25. Seriously, I was 100% not kidding about Rule #20.


David Hammock does not recognize the rules of "shotgun," but is a regular contributor to Fistful of Words. You can read more from him on his blog The Kids are Aight or follow him on Twitter @david_hammock, Pinterest, and Tumblr. 

Trayvon Martin, Martin Morrow, & The New Old Racism

Martin shares his own stories about racism. (Above: Trayvon Martin)

By Martin Morrow

May 2006

On warm afternoon, my best friend (a 6’2 distinguishably Lebanese male) and I decide to drive around our fair city of Trussville, Alabama. On Main Street, I spot a girl I know from many MySpace conversations. Being young and male, my buddy and I decide to hop out and flirt with my MySpace acquaintance and her friend. Things go well. We all exchange numbers and arrange to meet up that evening.

A few minutes later, I turn a corner and a car with flashing lights pulls up behind me. Then two more appear. Six Trussville police officers get out and begin to question us. What were we doing? Where were we going? Then one cop asks through his mustache and sunglasses, “You two going around and harassing young women?”

We quickly explain that we were in no way harassing or bothering the two girls. We’re told to step out of the car. At this point, the officers begin to search my trunk, my backseat, and everything inside. No rhyme. No reason. One officer begins to frisk us and take down our information. Another is angered by the fact that he can’t figure out what race my friend is because he doesn’t have any form of I.D. After twenty minutes they leave; but not before telling us a woman drove by, saw us, and called the cops.

That was it.

She saw two minorities talking to a white girl and Korean girl on a sidewalk in Trussville. And that was viewed as potential harassment, worthy of six police officers rifling through my personal belongings.

Fast forward six years. February 2012. 

FoW Movie Trailers Rundown: Hunger Games Edition

By David Hammock & Stephan Rabbitt

Editor's Note: The Hunger Games opens this weekend and will no doubt approach Harry Potter box office numbers ($150 million). Especially, with IMAX tickets that cost something like $35 with a super huge small popcorn. In honor, of the movie's release, FoW MTR reviewed all the trailers to whet your appetite for the blockbuster. Don't worry, the puns get worse from here.

Teaser Trailer





Rabbitt: This is just a great teaser. When this was released, most everyone knew of Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe it was from her Oscar-nominated performance in Winter's Bone, her not-as-disguised-as-often-as-

you-would-think Mystique in X-Men First Class, or her heart-breaking portrayal of Sam in Like Crazy. I love the isolation. All we see is J-Law, which is never a bad thing. But here, it also serves to show that this is an every boy and girl for themselves battle, especially given that we all knew a little bit about the story prior to watching. And I'm not sure if it is because I grew up on The Legend of Zelda, but I just love the bow and arrow as a weapon. 5 stars.

Hammock: Let me preface this by saying that I'm a big, big fan of the books and I'll do my best not to be a douche about details and spoilers. For those who have read the books, this trailer is about one thing: Katniss. At this point, we all knew that J-Law would be portraying the protagonist and readers everywhere were dying to see how the silver screen version of Katniss stacked up to the Katniss in their imaginations. I, for one, was happy. It's hard to be dissatisfied any time you get an eyeful of Jennifer Lawrence, but I was a little worried that she wouldn't pass for a 16 year old. She's close enough. Certainly closer than the cast of Saved by the Bell. The teaser also gives us a small taste of the plot, just enough to get us excited. Capitol job, teaser trailer maker. 5 stars for you... and 1 special, sensual star just for you, J-Law

Trailer #1

Hammock: Watching these Hunger Games trailers reminds me of watching Harry Potter trailers back in the day. I would pause during every scene to try to figure out what was what from the book. I've matured a lot since then... I mean, I only paused this one like three times. All in all, I think the trailer is a good, straightforward summary of the plot. It's pretty simple really: Running Man with innocent children instead of criminals. Or is it more like Breakfast Club with weapons? I wonder if they'll give Lenny Kravitz a chance at some quality meta. I can totally see his character exclaiming that he "wants to get away" or asking Katniss if she's "gonna go his way." He is Lenny Kravitz after all... he can do whatever the Effie wants. That's right, I'm ending all my responses with awful Hunger Games puns.

Rabbitt: David and I are examples of the two types of people that will be going to see this movie: those who have read the book and those that haven't. I will not be disappointed by any differences between the book and the movie because I have not read  it. However, this trailer was of paramount importance for those that had read the book. For the first time, they get to compare the spectacle that was bound only by their imagination to the Hollywood production. The characters now have an identity. Were you picturing Lenny Kravitz as Cinna before? Well you will be from now on! Coming from someone that hasn't read the book, I think the trailer is great.

Trailer #2

Rabbitt: Those of us who haven't read the book have seen the gold bird with an arrow in its grasp on Hunger Games posters and trailers, but we find out what to call it and get our first look at the characters with the mockingjay in this final trailer. Otherwise, we get most of the same material as the main theatrical trailer. Everybody is locked, loaded and ready to go. I've got my ticket for tonight in IMAX and I'm only mildly upset that I won't get to wear this shirt to the theater.

Hammock: I'm actually going to refrain from watching this last trailer because it will just upset me. You see, I couldn't go to the midnight showing last night because I had to teach school this morning and I'm experiencing some very real Hunger pangs. However, not unlike the cylons, I have a plan: to help quell (Pun #3!) my sorrow, I'm going to have a reaping at school today. I'll randomly select one boy and one girl from each class, give them detention, then have them fight over the right to leave detention early and earn a pizza party for their district... I mean period. I'll even splurge for deep dish. That's right kids, if you win, you can Panem. (Ha, that bonus pun is so bad, I'll forgo the obvious option to add Cinna sticks).

David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt believe the odds are always in their favor, unless you're talking about meeting Jennifer Lawrence. Then? Not so much. You can follow their excited reactions about The Hunger Games on Twitter at @david_hammock & @itsrabbitt

NBC Smash Review: The Workshop, the Stage Mother, and the Slippery Couch

Couches and stage mothers like Bernadette Peter's are hard to navigate for
Ivy (Megan Hilty) this week on NBC's Smash. Image via Smash Facebook.

By Elle T.

Goodness me! So much drama so little time. First of all, a HUGE shout out to Editor Oldman for covering for me last week. He’s hilarious and insightful, and I’m so glad I had that spare time to prepare for my own chance to live a real life version of NBC’s Smash (which was much less dramatic, I should say. I spent a lot of time memorizing lines, and I didn’t sleep with any directors.)  

Second of all, let me see if I can sum this week’s episode up.

1)      Julia is still having the affair with Michael.

2)      Julia’s son breaks down and cries when Julia actually makes a move to get Michael out of her life by firing him after the investor audition.

3)      Ivy’s mom, a Broadway veteran played by Bernadette Peters (!!!!), shows up at rehearsal and steals the spotlight with a rousing rendition of “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” from Gypsy.

4)      Karen records a demo, then gets a meeting with a bigwig record guy, which she passes up to do the workshop. Her fellow ensemble members berate her decision.

5)      As if the workshop didn’t have enough working against it, now the heat in the building has caused a debacle.

6)      Tom is having second thoughts over his new love interest.

7)      The potential investors and critics in the audience for the performance end up not liking what they see.

I think those are all the major plot points. Are you clear with what transpired in the show this week? Good? Good.

Part of me was ready for the gloves to come off with this episode. I was ready to bash the predictable, overly dramatic storyline. Last week, if I’d had time to write the article, I would have titled it, “It could be worse.”  Most of my commentary would have involved a recap of the scenes and then a ridiculous, but not far off conclusion of my own, proving that the writers were only one step away from the completely absurd.

Admittedly, however, the plot this week rose to some reasonable, if not still made-for-TV circumstances with believably high stakes. Ivy’s pressure from her own stage mother, director and boyfriend parallels Marilyn’s own struggles with the people and substances in her life. Pressure from parents and peers is something relatable to most of us. This episode wasn’t just who’s sleeping with who and “how are they going to pull the money together?”  The audience got a peek into Ivy’s psyche as she dealt with these fairly common, but still heavy, outside factors. In a touching scene between Ivy and her mother, we faced a real issue of familial love and acceptance rather than sweeping, dramatic romance.

Adultz Bop

by David Hammock

"They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work." 

- George Michael Bluth 

21 albums and counting

Sigh, if only that were true. It'd be nice to have the roles reversed every once in a while. Kids don't know how good they have it. They don't have to worry about work or bills or adult-onset diabetes... that's the life. Kids get to play all day, eat whatever they want, watch Nickelodeon without having to lie about it, and best of all, they get to listen to Kidz Bop.


What's Kidz Bop? 

Kidz Bop is a brand of compilation albums featuring child session musicians performing contemporary music. The albums are composed of "kid-friendly" versions of the latest songs on Top 40 radio and are sung by young children. 

Kidz Bop is just the best. It takes pop music, waters it down (more than it already is), then lets kids sing the vocals! How has a Kidz Bop album never won a Grammy? Oh yeah, Grammys are only for people named Adele.

Sorry Little Jimmy, Adultz Bop is only for adultz

Obviously, I'm joking. Kidz Bop is one of the very worst ideas of the 21st century. (Right up there with Zune.) BUT, with kids already having it as good as they do and dabbling in our grown-up muzak, I feel like we should return the favor. That's right, kiddies... it's time for Adultz Bop. Don't look now, but we're taking all your sing-a-longs, nursery rhymes, and Disney tunes, adultifying them and having a party. And sorry children, much like Facebook circa 2005, it's for adults only.

Check out some of the tracks!:

The Wheels on the Bus - Metallica

Mary (J. Blige) Had A Little Lamb - Mary J. Blige 

Dem Bones - The Shins

Eensy Weensy Spider - System of A Down

London Bridges - Fergie (duh)

The Ants Go Marching - Dave Matthews Band (also duh)

Down By the Bay - Otis Redding... 's equally talented and very much alive son

Hole in the Bottom of the Sea - Hole

100 Bottles of Beer - Amy Winehouse (too soon?)

The Song That Never Ends - Rush

AND MORE!

Take that, young people!


David Hammock is much better at swinging than Little Jimmy and is a regular contributor to Fistful of Words. You can read more from him on his blog The Kids are Aight or follow him on Twitter @david_hammock, Pinterest, and Tumblr. 

FoW Movie Trailers Rundown

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Battlefield America



Hammock: I spent my entire childhood playing with GI Joes, not knowing that there existed a fabulous world of competitive children's street dancing. Well, at least I know now... and knowing is half the battle... but "this isn't a battle, this is war."


Rabbitt: I would just really like to see Marquez Houston in more movies. #sh*tnobodysaysexceptmarquezhouston.


TS: Guys, I know that my job with these FoW MTR posts is to find trailers and get out of the way. But I can't do that today. I just can't. You've both given short shrift to a trailer that is so ambitiously awful that I can't sit idly by without sharing my thoughts on this awesomeness brought to us by the people who brought us You Got Served.

0:09- City skyline with raucous stadium cheering. Battlefield = a competition. Got it. But what kind?

0:10- 0:14- "This is the biggest battlefield in American history." Why are there tents indoors with crowds of cheering people?
0:15- ZOMG! Dancing! The battlefield is a dancing competition! Nothing generates more excitement than the line "From the team that brought you You Got Served!" It's like four March Madness buzzer beaters!
0:17- Why do the dancers look like their twelve? What's going on here? Is Battlefield America about the long struggle of youngsters who only want to be on America's Best Dance Crew? 
0:35- Dance battles always lead to real battles. Always. This is a cautionary tale.
0:37-0:44- When I said the dancers were twelve, I way overestimated. If anyone in this crew has to look after their little brother, they'd have to carry around a diaper bag. So young. So real. So much dancing.
0:45- 0:48- Black vs. White. Even Obama's election can't solve the entrenched beliefs of these six year olds.
0:50- More child violence. I want to turn away but can't.
1:02 - 1:05- Marques Houston and the evil white guy from Orange County from You Got Served! Are these their kids? Please let them be their children.
1:05 - 1:49 A lot of dancing and some dialogue. I can't pay attention. I'm distracted that the evil white guy from Orange County hasn't changed his ways now that he's a parent. I'm feeling nostalgic. Did Omarion marry Marques Houston sister? Did they live happily-ever-high school? What about college? Did O hit a growth spurt or does he still have to wear lifts to be taller than his girl?
1:50- Looking past how amazing this movie will be, I'm glad that the Hollywood producers placed eight year olds dancing against each other in proper context by calling it a war. You know, especially after everyone on the planet has watched the Kony 2012 video.
 
I could go on and break down the inevitable Mindless Behavior or Diggy cameos, but I won't. (Knowing about Mindless Behavior and Diggy is definitely something I should throw up on my future Match.com profile). In any event, I look forward to waiting in line to see this movie... at the dollar theater... four weeks after it opens. Can't wait! Now back to you guys.

What to Expect When You're Expecting



Rabbitt: Soundtrack alert: Sleeper Agent's "Get it Daddy" opens up the trailer (see what they did there). Most of this movie was filmed in and around Atlanta, home of the Braves. Much of the trailer footage shows off Piedmont Park. I've seen Sleeper Agent in concert 3 times. I've seen Piedmont Park many times. I will see this movie 0 times.

Hammock: I'd watch this movie just to see Atlanta (my hometown) in the background... kinda like how I like watching The Walking Dead because it's filmed near my old house... and because it's awesome. This is a grab bag cast with some funny people (Jim Dangle and Rob Huebel rocking some Georgia Tech swag!) and ), some people who others think are funny and I don't (Chris Rock, babies) and for some inexplicable reason, Brooklyn Decker. Actually, there are two big reasons Brooklyn Decker is in this or any movie... I think every guy knows what they are... talent and charisma. I'm not as opposed to seeing this one as you Stephan, but I'd much rather see Sleeper Agent in concert... almost as much as Brooklyn Decker would like to see her husband in a Grand Slam final.

Delicacy


Hammock: I told you every French movie starred Audrey Tautou! Now, I don't speak French, but it seems like the point of this movie is that Tautou falls in love with a dude who's Frenchin' ugly. This is a somewhat unexplored theme in American cinema (except in Adam Sandler movies) so leave it to the French to teach us Americans a thing or two about inner beauty. I tell ya, France is really on a roll in Hollywood right now. The Artist, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Napoleon Dynamite, now this... they're le taking ovre.

Rabbitt: You know what is an unexplored theme in French cinema? Diversity. This looks like a nice story with beautiful scenery. Although, it won't beat Piedmont Park with the Atlanta backdrop. Like David, I also do not speak French. However, I can see that our vaguely familiar (but probably not) male lead is big and goofy, runs into glass doors, knocks over wine bottles, and still gets the girl. He must be great at mental math or something.

You can now follow FoW MTR on Tumblr at http://fowmtr.tumblr.com/. Follow David and Stephan on Twitter @david_hammock @itsrabbitt.

Rap Academy: T.I. Edition

by David Hammock


Fact: Rappers are the poets of our generation. The names Mathers, Wayne, and West will someday be interchangeable with Frost, Keats, and Emerson. Sadly, like many poets of the past, some rappers won't truly be appreciated until after their death (probably gang-related) because their lyrics are too far ahead of their time. The layman just isn't willing to spend the time deciphering and analyzing these urban geniuses' rhymes to discover the beauty and insight within. Lucky for you, I am willing. Thanks to my liberal arts degree and my hoodrat upbringing, I possess both the skill and the desire to translate these modern classics into something that's a little easier for the common man to understand.


First up, T.I.'s transcendent What You Know. I'll give you snippets of the lyrics, followed by my translation:

Aye...
don’t you know I got
key by the three when I chirp shawty chirp back
Louis nap sack
where I holding all the work at
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
I know all about that
Loaded 44s on the low where the cheese at
Fresh off the jet to the Jects where the G's at
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
Hey I know all about that


T.I. begins his masterpiece by establishing his street credentials. He has three kilograms of cocaine because he is an expert at selling drugs. He then seamlessly transitions into his personal life; when he calls (chirps) a girl (shawty), they call him back, because he's T.I. and all ladies admire him. He then deftly reminds us of the large amount of cocaine in his possession and that, get this, he is carrying it in a designer Louis Vuitton bag. T.I. repeats three lines in this, the chorus, welcoming any and all haters to compare gangster resumes with him. The question is clearly rhetorical, as T.I. already knows that none of his opponents can compete with his hoodrat credentials. For emphasis, he then explains that he has a gun and knows how to use it and that furthermore, he can transition from a rich lifestyle (jet) to a poor lifestyle ('jects) like the one in which he was raised. It is quite clear at this point, that T.I. is a bad, bad man.


See me in ya city sitting pretty know I'm shining dawg
Riding with a couple Latin brawds and a china doll
And you know how we ball
Aye..
Riding in shiny cars
Aye..
Walk in designer malls
Aye..
Buy everything we saw
You know about me dogg
Don’t talk about me dogg
And if you doubt me dogg
You better out me dogg


Having already made his point, T.I. uses the second verse to show off his technical skills with a difficult A, A, A, Aye, B, Aye, C,  Dogg, Dogg, Dogg, Dogg rhyme scheme. In this verse, he explains once again that he is the best rapper in the industry and also that he is fond of latino and oriental women, who are no doubt fond of him as well. He drives the best cars and shops at the finest stores, where he buys whatever catches his eye. He continues the stellar second verse with another message for his rivals: DO NOT speak ill of T.I. because he will best you in a fisticuffs. DO NOT doubt it either. If you MUST try, it is quite imperative that you take him out of the equation, otherwise T.I. will add you to his list of fallen adversaries.


I'm throwed off slightly bro
Don’t wanna fight me bro
I'm fast as lightning bro ya better use ya Nike’s bro
Know you don’t like me cause
Yo bitch most likely does
She see me on them dubs
In front of every club
I be on dro I’m buzzed
Give every ho a hug
Niggaz don’t show me mugs
Cause you don’t know me cause


The verse continues by relating that even though T.I. may be slightly inebriated, he is still an unflappable foe. He uses the simile "fast as lightning" to depict that he is indeed an adept athlete and that running away is really the only sure way to keep your life intact. T.I. then gives us some background information on why his opposition dislikes him. It is because the hater's lover prefers T.I. over the hater. It hearkened back to the first time she saw him in his fancy car in front of a series of clubs. She was rather impressed with T.I.'s behavior, including his intoxication due to marijuana and his ability to attract other women. T.I. masterfully concludes the verse by restating that it is impossible to understand his inner-workings


Candy on the '64
Leather guts and fish bowl
50 on the pinky ring just to make my fist glow
Ya bitches get low
Because I get dough
So what? I'm rich ho
I still pull a kick-do'


After another resounding chorus, T.I. takes it upon himself to describe his beloved car, a 1964 Chevrolet with a fine leather interior. His car doubles as a place where he and his friends can enjoy marijuana. Oh, T.I.! He also mentions that he spent $50,000 on a pinky ring to signify that money is of no object to him. Women seem to particularly like this. Also, even though T.I. is extraordinarily wealthy, he is not afraid to perform dangerous, illegal acts.


What you talking sh*t fo’?
gotta run and hit fo’?
Got you a yelling and I thought you put out a gun hit fo
But you’s a scary dude
Believed by very few
Just keep it very cool
Or we will bury you
See all that attitude’s, unnecessary dude
You never carry tools not even square, he cube
You got these people fooled, who see you on the tube
Whatever try the crew, they’ll see you on the news


T.I. now calls into question the credibility of his naysayers. He states that though his enemy may think himself formidable, he is not feared by anyone, the least of which T.I. himself. T.I. goes on to suggest to his detractors that they should refrain from attacking his pristine reputation as a gangster and instead shine the light of scrutiny upon themselves. Failure to do so could very well end up in their demise.


Fresh off the jet to the block
Burn a rubber with the top popped
My partner bustin' shots, I tell em' stop, he'll make the block hot
Ya label got got
Cause you are not hot
I got the top spot
And it will not stop
A video or not that will bust it to the glock stop
Drag ya out that Bentley Coupe and take it to the chop shop


T.I. begins the last verse with the dichotomous scene of transferring from his private jet to his convertible and driving fast through the ghetto, once again displaying that T.I. has not lost touch with his roots. Ever the pragmatist, he then warns his friend not to commit any unnecessary crimes while in the projects, lest the police get involved. He then transitions to explaining to his rapping enemy that he feels contrition toward his enemy's record label because he is indeed such a poor rapper that the label failed to get the returned value, both monetary and critical, that they had hoped. Also, for good measure, T.I. deems it necessary to tell him that he will unload an entire gun clip into the rapper and strip his car for parts.


Partner, we got ya'll
If it may pop off
I’ll answer the question “Will I get ya block knocked off?”
And what it is bro
Look I will kill bro
I’m in your hood, if you a gangsta what you hid for?
Somebody better get bro for he get sent for
You say you wanna squash it what you still talking sh*t for?


The last 8 lines of T.I.'s masterpiece continue to focus on his haters. He delineates once again that he is superior in every way to his enemies, especially in a physical manner. In fact, T.I. feels he could take out this particular man's entire neighborhood single-handedly. Given this fact, T.I. ponders as to why this rapper would choose to continue to say derogatory things about him. The foe is obviously not as good at rapping, fighting, or being a gangster as is T.I.. The final line of What You Know poses the obvious question: given all the ways in which T.I. is superior to all of his detractors, why do they continue to communicate their feelings about T.I. in such a negative and hurtful way?


David Hammock is an aspiring rapper (stage name: Dave Shady) and a regular contributor to Fistful of Words. You can read more from him on his blog The Kids are Aight or follow him on Twitter @david_hammock, Pinterest, and Tumblr.

NBC Smash Review: Chemistry, Husbands, and Hoping for a Breaking Bad Mashup

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After the jump to can read about TS idea for
a Breaking Bad and Smash mashup featuring
Walter White and Julia's husband.
Debra Messing photo via Smash Facebook

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By T.S. Oldman

Remember when you went to the theatre expecting to see the advertised full cast, but instead, an insert in your program informed you that understudy or replacement actress X would be filling in for big name actress Y in the role of Z for that night’s performance? Sure, you probably enjoyed the show, remembered a couple of the breathtaking scenes, and maybe you bought some merchandise. But, you felt a little put off. Like you watched the Miami Heat play without LeBron James or attended a Bruce Springsteen concert without the E Street Band: still a good time, but not quite the same thing.

And that’s what we have today with me filling in for Elle by recapping Episode 6 in the season of Smash. I’ve watched the whole season and but I have no background in theatre like Elle. If anything, I’m more apt to judge the show solely based on its dramatic elements as a television show without reviewing the songs or delving into whether or not show runner Theresa Rebeck accurately captured the Broadway realism this week.

So, while Elle has been preparing for her Mamma Mia callback*, you’re stuck with me reviewing this week’s NBC Smash which gave us a more sympathetic Ivy, Anjelica Huston hanging out with the 99%, the weakest willed people on the planet and me rooting for Julia's husband to channel Breaking Bad's Walter White.

Curtain’s up! I’m ready for my closeup recap.

*Elle really had a callback Monday for Mamma Mia. Yes, I’m going to pretend my asking her to write this weekly column played some role in the callback even though that in no way had any bearing on Elle’s break. Good luck Elle!

Ivy’s Human!

After the pilot episode of Smash aired back in February, the social media folks for the show tried to start a #TeamIvy vs #TeamKaren debate amongst fans of the budding Marilyn Musical. The Twilight fan approach worked for all of one episode before Rebbeck promptly turned Ivy into a self-involved, insecure, and petty starlet willing to sleep with her director. Yet, Kat McPhee’s Karen got to be the naïve, upstart that we’re all supposed to root for.

While there’s nothing wrong with this approach (most sports movies paint their heroes and villains with similarly broad strokes), the show removed almost all nuance to its main characters. But this week, Megan Hilty finally got to play Ivy as someone more than a caricature.

FoW Movie Trailers Rundown

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Frankenweenie

 

Rabbitt: A black and white movie with a dog in a starring role? Somebody is trying to play off some Oscar success. I have not seen much of Tim Burton's stuff. That will not be changing with this one, even though I'm sure it will be entertaining enough. I really don't even know why you would want to bring the dog back to life. I mean, they just dogs. Right, Clinton Portis?

Hammock: It's the age-old story. Boy loves dog. Dog dies. Boy learns about life and maybe a red fern grows or something. Well, it's close. Tim Burton forgoes the whole life lesson thing and opts for pet reanimation instead. Frankenweenie is in the style of other Burton films like The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride, but it's actually a remake of his own live-action movie of the same name. I like Tim Burton movies fine, some more than others, but I don't know if I'll being seeing this one. 1) I'm a cat person. And 2) One of my cats just died and I just don't know if I'll be emotionally ready for Frankenweenie... when it comes out seven months from now.

That's My Boy

 

Hammock:"You puked on my wedding dress and then you (had sex) with it?!" How could a movie with this line possibly be bad? Probably very easily. It's a shame too. Look at the list of cast and crew and you'll see a bevy of talented actors and writers. Frustratingly, most of them have resumes full of movies and shows than run the gamut from genius to garbage. Take Adam Sandler: he can be funny and he actually has some legitimate acting chops, but he's in loads of terrible movies because he settles. The writers of That's My Boy are the same way. They're responsible for Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, Children's Hospital, Happy Endings, Party Down. Yet they come out with a movie whose trailer (and therefore most likely the entire movie) is filled with fart and penis jokes. Come on guys, you're obviously gifted. You can do better than this. Heck, I can do better than this. You owe me and Blair Waldorf more than this. On a positive note, kudos to the director for somehow fitting Rex Ryan's entire body into frame. Zing!

Rabbitt: This looks like a post Weekend Update sketch on SNL, except for 2 hours. I'll second everything David said and hop on a different soap box. Who pays to watch Adam Sandler movies these days? I'm aware that the answer is "tons of people"... I'd just like to know who to be mad at. Let's consider these movies, their Rotten Tomatoes score, and their US box office gross. Jack & Jill: 3%, $74.2mil. Zookeeper: 14%, $80.4mil. Just Go With It: 19%, $103mil. Grown Ups: 10%, $162mil. (WHAT!) Hugo: 93%, $71.3mil. Now, everyone make sure you go vote for your preferred Presidential candi... actually, on second thought, just stay home.

Men in Black 3



Hammock: This must be a dream come true for Will Smith because Men in Black pretty closely resembles his religion of Scientology. There are monsters, spaceships, people being brainwashed... it's like Dianetics coming to life before his eyes! Sorry. It's probably not nice to make fun of Will Smith... though he probably deserves it for as many times as he poked fun at Uncle Phil and Carlton. So, about the movie... I'm not hopeful. The first MiB was good, but the second one was sub-par. I'm guessing this one isn't gonna be any better than the latter.

Rabbitt: It's the good guys dressed in black, remember that? Yea, barely. It's been 10 long years since these galaxy defenders were last on screen. Will Smith has saved the planet many, many times. And while I appreciate his efforts in doing so, I'll likely pass on this particular rendition of Will Smith saving the world $150 million at a time.

Womb

 

Hammock: Eww. This is wrong. Woody Allen and Roman Polanski think this is wrong. I get that someone would do anything to get their lover back and I can sorta kinda maybe see considering being the one to birth him if that was the only option, but Eva Green is obviously doing this with the intent to jump her lover/son's bones ASAP. Perhaps Vesper could consult the young man from Frankenweenie for other options?

Rabbitt: I had planned on comparing Eva Green to Joaquin Phoenix, in that I hate him because he stabbed Maximus in the back before they fought in Gladiator and that influences my view of other characters he plays. Similarly, Eva Green played Vesper, the two-timing slut wagon, in Casino Royale. However, after watching this trailer, I don't even remember what she did in Casino Royale. What a creepster.

David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt cry at Adam Sandler movie...'s box office numbers. Follow them on Twitter @david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.

The SWASP

by David Hammock

If you follow my blog, you know that I dedicated the majority of February to Black History Month profiles. I figure that after a month of that, you're probably tired of it (racists) and ready for something different. Well, SWASPs are definitely that. What is a SWASP? Well, a SWASP is very much in the tradition of a WASP, which as most of you probably know stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Here's the urban dictionary definition:

"White Anglo-Saxon Protestant: This usually refers to affluent people in the new england area, but also whites of "old money" in other areas throughout the country."

So basically a WASP is your standard upper-crust, J.Crew-wearing, tennis-playing, horse-owning, Michael Bublé-loving vanilla face. A SWASP is that... and more. A SWASP is a Super WASP. These are the whitest of the white people. These are the frat guys who frat guys think are too fratty. These are the preppiest of the preppy. Get the picture? Here's a quick Foxworthesque rundown:


You might be a SWASP if:

• You own every season of Wings on Blu-Ray.
• You own a pure-bred Cocker Spaniel named Pendleton.
• Your go-to website for slang is suburbandictionary.com.
• Your back-up college is still in the Ivy League.
• You have a Fantasy Lacrosse team.
• You use SPF 4000 suntan lotion.
• Your favorite color is soft coral.
• Your favorite rapper is will.i.am.
• You've never eaten a McAnything.
• Two words: pocket watch.
• Two more words: sweater vest.
• You own stock in Pinterest.
• You visit your vacation home to get away from your other vacation home.
• You know how to play squash.
• You've been on The Bachelor.
• Your favorite NBA player is J.J. Redick.
• Your children have last names for first names.
• You are able to tell which Olsen twin is on screen in every scene of every episode of Full House... which you also own every season of on Blu-Ray.

Full-time SWASPs are hard to find. In fact, the term is more for actions than for people. I like to tweet back and forth with a friend of mine whenever I feel like I'm doing something SWASPy and put the hashtag SWASP at the end. That's probably kinda #SWASP in and of itself. So what's the purpose of all this SWASP talk? I guess there's not really one. It's just that I didn't have to work today and I felt like blogging <--- #SWASP

David Hammock is too poor to be a SWASP and is a regular contributor to Fistful of Words. You can read more from him on his website The Kids are Aight, follow him on Twitter @david_hammock, or keep up with him on Pinterest.